utter confusion

It is my own insecurity that allows me to feel,

small,

in your presence.

Smaller than a pebble

rolled smooth by pounding waves on the ocean’s shore.

You tower over me

with your personality and

over compensation to fit in.

I want you to notice me,

and you do.

I want you to smile at me,

and you do.

I want you to hold me for just a minute,

but you won’t,

because you are faint.

Fainter than I,

because the over compensation is a mask,

for an inability to be,

comfortable,

in your skin.

You shield yourself behind a veil,

of jokes and laughs.

I know you, and your longing,

for quiet, calm, secure evenings with a guitar and a book.

So here I am,

small,

because I love you,

and I want you to love you too.

but that might just be impossible.

I see through your veil,

your worries to make others happy,

your discomfort in social outings.

Now you shy away from me too,

maybe as I face my world,

unhidden,

I should just let you face yours.

On your own,

because,

well because in spite of your flaws,

I care,

but you won’t hold me anyway.

I said

And to the sky I said, hold me.
And to the moon I said, kiss me.
And to the sun I said, watch me.
And to the ocean I said, catch me.
And to the mountains I said, cradle me.
And to the fields I said, hear me.
And to the forests I said, amaze me.
And to the world I said, keep me.

i am sorry

we were so young,
and we were so good,
but we were always in our own way.
i am so sorry for being so naive
and for expecting so much.
you were so perfect
and i was so rotten.
i hope when we grow up,
you can give me another chance,
but if not,
i will always remember you.

silence (revised)

Your skin still glows from the days in the summer sun.

The soft brown curls a top your head

twirl about in the breeze that lifts my curtains.

You sleep peacefully,

sailing away into your dreams.

I lay awake,

restless.

My tanned arm lays pale on your stomach,

Legs intertwined, I don’t dare move or wake you.

Soft cheeks freckled with memories of days,

spent and days loved.

I wish to relive these,

to drink coffee,

read poetry,

and swim.

I will not speak though,

For these are mere memories,

And this is our present,

Legs intertwined and breeze kissed curls.

This silence is so loud but I’ll welcome it if it keeps me

close to you.

thanks

Warm and bright,

The sun kisses my shoulders,

Freckled with struggles and good memories,

My cheeks are flushed with life,

I thank the day,

For being,

Warm and bright

hold (revised)

Holding-

In your sleep

you took my hand and

didn’t let go.

The strength in your finger tips,

pressed into my palm.

Your face,

in the nape of my neck,

I feel your breath,

I feel you close.

Stay here a bit longer,

Dream with me.

Love, I feel if you are holding me,

I can still hold on too.

Wings-

I want to be able to perch on a power line

and watch the world pass.

I envy the people in planes and the birds.

A world of discontent beneath my wings,

Tired and stale days, breadcrumbs, fading away

To be a wallflower or a vine, growing in the shadows,

Just watching the rest unfold.

I want to believe in freedom and no agenda,

To fly freely,

Like the birds