utter confusion

It is my own insecurity that allows me to feel,

small,

in your presence.

Smaller than a pebble

rolled smooth by pounding waves on the ocean’s shore.

You tower over me

with your personality and

over compensation to fit in.

I want you to notice me,

and you do.

I want you to smile at me,

and you do.

I want you to hold me for just a minute,

but you won’t,

because you are faint.

Fainter than I,

because the over compensation is a mask,

for an inability to be,

comfortable,

in your skin.

You shield yourself behind a veil,

of jokes and laughs.

I know you, and your longing,

for quiet, calm, secure evenings with a guitar and a book.

So here I am,

small,

because I love you,

and I want you to love you too.

but that might just be impossible.

I see through your veil,

your worries to make others happy,

your discomfort in social outings.

Now you shy away from me too,

maybe as I face my world,

unhidden,

I should just let you face yours.

On your own,

because,

well because in spite of your flaws,

I care,

but you won’t hold me anyway.